Tuesday, April 27, 2010

A Quiet Moment to Myself

It's Tuesday which means tomorrow is my big return to work and the end of my sweet time with Ava at home. She's taking a nap right now so I'm taking a moment for myself. The T.V. is turned off and the only noise in this house is the humming of the dryer.

I don't want this day to end. Yesterday Noah and I went by Ava's babysitter's house for the first time. She's been a friend of the family for awhile. At first when we were discussing who was going to watch the baby, it was going to be my aunt. However, she lives way across town and we don't want Ava going back and forth so many times so my parents' friend agreed to watch her. Of course my mind was much more at ease when I thought it was my aunt watching the baby because she watched me when I was Ava's age. But after visiting Bac Chong (the babysitter, we'll make it easier and call her BC) I felt a little better. I was going over some things with her about Ava and I started to cry just thinking about leaving the baby and she assured me it was going to be okay.

I'm crying now typing this post thinking about it again. I know I'll be okay with each day. At least that is what I keep telling myself. I have never felt this emotion before. It's a helpless feeling. I hate it.

One good thing about BC watching Ava is she lives down the street from my parents' house and I close enough that I can come visit her on my lunch break. Another good thing is my first week of work is short so at least it eases my transition. I'm so envious of stay at home moms right now.

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