Monday, September 10, 2018

The Other Side of Motherhood


Being a mom has been the best decision of my life. My children give me purpose and fill my life with so much happiness. On most days you'll find me sharing all those special moments with them on my Facebook, through family group texts on even on this blog.

But can we talk about the other side of motherhood for a moment?




There are a ton of joys that outweigh what I have been feeling but I wanted to be candid in this post and share what I've been struggling with.  I am not sharing this so people can feel sorry for me but more so for the moms that are also struggling. You are not alone.

This week for me has been hard. Noah left for work for a week and this is the first time I haven't had the support of his mom here to help out with the kids. I've had to cancel plans to attend birthday parties, dinner with my best friends and events I wanted to attend to show support for my friends. 

Instead, I have been running around like a crazy person doing my best to get four kids out of the door on time in the morning, accomplish things at work, cook dinner, bathe everyone and get them all ready for school.  This doesn't include keeping up with household responsibilities like laundry, constantly picking -up after everyone, and taking care of our dog.

I've put a smile on for most of the week and I've received comments like, "I don't know how you do it" and "You are super mom!".

But the truth is I'm in SURVIVAL mode. No time to think about myself and what is best for me.

I tried to think of all the times this past weekend I was able to sit and the number is ZERO. The number of times I had alone  - also ZERO.  The number of conversations I've had with adults comes pretty close to that. 

Parenting can be so lonely and isolating. I have friends I could call and vent with but they all have their own families and have a million things going on as well. Who has time to talk you off the ledge? And to be honest, I haven't even had a free moment to talk on the phone without someone screaming or shouting my name for something.

Instead I use the 10 minutes I sneak away in the shower to cry because that's all I can do. There is no throwing in the towel or quitting when you’re alone. It's even harder not to have Noah here so we can share in all the work and really just be there for each other at the end of the day. Most of our phone calls while he's away are just a quick 10 minutes every day so the kids can get a moment with daddy. 

So along with all the laughter, love, joy and rewarding moments that comes with parenthood know there is also anxiety, sadness, guilt and loneliness.

Don't get me wrong. This week I hasn't all been those feelings. I've had lots of snuggles, laughs and pure joy. It's just easier for anxiety and loneliness to creep up in those moments of madness.

I’m sure I’ll feel better once Noah comes home and I can get some time to breathe.

So, if you’re out there on the struggle bus I’m riding right long with you! And it’s okay to have a melt down about it or cry in the shower like me! This too shall pass, right?

If you have read all of this, thanks for giving me the opportunity to vent. Motherhood is not always sunshine. It can get pretty cloudy and can pour buckets even. I know the sun will break through again though and all will be well again.

Now, time to do it all over again tomorrow! 

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