Monday, March 4, 2019

5 Lessons Learned After Loss

Wow, here we are in March. This month has so much significance for our family. It used to be such a happy month full of celebrations. My sister got married in March. It's my birthday month and Ava's too. Now, it will always be mixed with sadness. A sadness that will forever stay with me and return to me every March. On the 16th of this month it will mark 5 years since my beautiful mom passed away.

My mom taught me so much during the time she was alive. She taught me to be the woman I am today. She taught me about hard work and about loving and protecting my family fiercely.

She continues to teach me 5 years after her death.  

1. Memories are important.

All I have left of my mom are the memories we shared. I'm so thankful for each and every one. Not only are my memories of her special but she taught me I need to be making as many memories as possible with the ones I love. It's like a time capsule. It helps to keep your loved ones alive in your heart! 

2. Let go and make every day count.

After my mom passed away it was like something drastic changed in me. I was done with anything that didn't really matter ultimately. I learned to let go of pettiness and drama. I no longer had the energy or the desire to deal with it. It has made my life simplified and ultimately more enjoyable. Losing someone forces you to look for more things that bring you joy and let go of negativity. 

3. Grief is forever.

The reality of grief is that it lasts forever. It's not true that time heals because the truth is I miss my mom just as much today as the day I said good-bye. It comes in waves, sometimes its just feeling sad and sometimes it stops me in my tracks and I cannot breathe. I think my kids saved me from just drowning myself in all the sadness. I know they needed a functioning parent and I know my mom would have wanted me to be there for my family. I have simply learned to live with grief and accept it when it comes. 

4. Let your loved ones know you love them.

Life is too short. My mom was only 64 years old when she passed away and her sudden departure taught me every day is a gift. It was very difficult for all of my family because we didn't get to say our goodbyes the way we would have liked. My mom couldn't respond to any of us and it made it that much harder. I know in my heart she knew how much we all loved her though. So take it from me, make amends with your loved ones. Tell them how much they mean to you and that you love them as often as possible. 

5. Life does go on. 

Nothing shows you the amount of strength you possess than when you lose a loved one. I always thought "I would die" if I didn't have my mom. I was 29 when my world came tumbling down. In the days around this difficult time I felt numb. How could I get out of bed? How could I function? But what I learned from living through this experience is that life does eventually go on. I had two young children depending on me, a husband, my siblings and dad I needed to be there for. In no way has this been a fast process because there's this new normal I am constantly adjusting to. I really do miss the life I had before but what I learned is that now I have to live my life for my mom. She wouldn't want me to be stuck in my grief. She wants me to live a life I am truly proud of. 

To be totally honest, losing someone close to you sucks so bad! I don't wish it upon anyone. But I write this post in the hopes you realize these lessons are to show not to wait until you lose someone to learn them!

If you are a praying person, please send your prayers my way because this month is not easy for me. More importantly, call you mom, hug your mom, tell her you love her! 


  1. Thinking of you and sending love. I lost my mom last May (on Mother’s Day!) after her courageous battle with cancer. It was the worst time of my life by far and like you struggle with losing her and my grief. I agree that it doesn't get better but just different, a new normal! Losing a parent is something you just can’t ever prepare for… as another friend who also lost her dad suddenly shared with me, “you just don’t know, until you know and then you wish you didn’t know!”

  2. Hi Caryll, I'm so sorry for your loss. It's totally true what your friend shared. It's just a club you don't want to be a part of. Sending you hugs my friend!


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